I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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