Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
