Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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