You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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