I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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