Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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