one two three fourrrrnication!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Ladies don't puke and tell
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
