OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
