I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
