wakey wakey hands off snakey
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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