Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
