you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
