Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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