I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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