You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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