oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
