i jhust puked up my retainher.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
