So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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