i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
