I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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