Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
