I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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