i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize