pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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