booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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