I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
