Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think a kid would responsible me up
You made out with two different species that night
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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