I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
