"it" just moved
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
