He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
