I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize