i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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