i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
