dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
