i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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