when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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