u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
