I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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