You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
