Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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