Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
