That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
