omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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