What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
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you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize