He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
