I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
