after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
