You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
