She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
