I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
