i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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