i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
