Jerry, you need to find god
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
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