The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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