when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
