I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
