I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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