So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Its about making memories worth repressing
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
