If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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