im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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