Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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