maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
