She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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