No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
organizing the empties. That sober.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
