the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
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