White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
