So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
