And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
