Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
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EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
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Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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