she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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