i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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