I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
