When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
