is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
